I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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