and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize