would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
did i just pee glitter
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