Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
