woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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