I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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