This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She bit a glass in half.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
