During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
