For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
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Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
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I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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