I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
