saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
