Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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