i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
