I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
