he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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