So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
