im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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