Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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