I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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