Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
cat food counts as protein by the way
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sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
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Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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