Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
