Just fell off a train. Bad.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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