Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
