I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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