I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
