True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
