I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
