Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
