he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
