Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
