i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
