my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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