dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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