I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
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Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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