I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
cat food counts as protein by the way
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
