Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
