Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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