So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
