Since when is my name a synonym for head?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So vagazzling was a success
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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