i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
