Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
