Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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