Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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