you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
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