I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
