and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
