there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Acid is not a monday night drug
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
