I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
