That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
