I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
