I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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