I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
