totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
