Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
