not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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