i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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