Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
