if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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