Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
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That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
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My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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