Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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