"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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