Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
