I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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