and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
