whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
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I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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