He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
