You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
