she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
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He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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