Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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