I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
