listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
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Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
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I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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