Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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