so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
