I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
