I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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