just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
