i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
