I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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