Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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